For the Love of God

I was reminded of this little morsel of annoyance this morning, check it out.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8110573.stm

This is truly ridiculous. Howe can simple basics such as this no longer be taught for fear of over-loading the poor little mites brains?!

I still use it, probably more than I am aware of also. The same way as I still sing the Alphabet tune in my head when am trying to work out which letter comes first or something ridiculous like that!

The same way I still sing 1-10 in the tune I learnt at school, when trying to count in German or French.

'Ich haaaabe, ein pudle, Ich haaaabe, zwei meerschweinchen, Ich haaabe drei....'

and so on..

For those who do not understand, that means, 'I have one poodle, i have two guinea pigs, i have three...'

Gripping reading, no doubt.

As I type in my cosy garden, I can hear the birds singing, the smell of grass and the sun is beating down. Life feels good. Why can't I just stay in my safety zone forever? No one can bother me here. It's truly joyous.

The other thing that amazes me is how these little darlings are allowed to write in text slang in their exams?! I mean seriously, surely these examiners that mark these papers must need to take an extra special exam in order to qualify to understand these 'yoots' (youths). If I get a text message with this slang in, it takes me a good 30 seconds longer to understand/translate what has been said - thirty seconds of my life I'll never get back. I feel cheated.

Luckily for me, I have one of those 'bolt ons' by my phone provider which allows me unlimited free text messaging, so therefore I can be as clear as I wish in my fully worded messages! Small things please me...

I feel it's important for small things to please one so you are not disappointed, what people regularly forget is that it's the thought that counts.

I am sensing I am rambling on and bouncing from one subject to another... if so, I apologise, I type as I think.

Christ on a bike.........

Today has been nothing less then hard work. Am struggling with my general existance in this poor excuse for a town. The general public are just so obnoxious.
E.G
My neighbour looks like she has been smacked with a stinking haddock then had lemon squeezed in her eyes with the way her face naturally falls. She makes me sick and we have had words on more than one occasion..

Today as I was pulling into the shared driveway, my post had accidentally got put into her letterbox. Well, how very dare the stupid postman DO such a thing.....?!
Any normal person would just place the post in the correct letterbox, or re-post it. But no, she decides to deface the front of the envelopes by writing 'does not live here' and circling either my name, the address or has previously returned to sender when she know's full well where I live.

Petty, small minded, ignorant, extremely unfortunate looking obnoxious imbocile. You'd have thought that I would be used to such behaviour, and normally I can just sigh and look at the fool with a 'aaah don't worry, it's not your fault you're plug ugly' look, then do the most patronising smile I can muster before mincing away.

I am certainly by no means a stunner, however I feel that I have her lost youth, my youth and general personality on my side, so it gives me pleasure to be smug.
Yes, I am aware I am asking for Karma to come back and bite my not-so firm ass. Hmmm.

Neighbour dispute = ridiculously petty but occur in nearly every road and are usually only resolved by someone moving... And I am sensing, due to the current financial climate, neither of us are going anywhere anytime soon. Hey, we've lasted ten years so far - first arguement about 8 years ago.....

Today's next gripe; women in over-sized cars/vans, usually Mercedes or those Porsche truck-things..

They are just the most ridiculous vehicles on the roads today - driven by mothers whilst their hard-working city bloke slaves away in the Big Smoke. Usually occupied by one woman and her ugly, snotty shit machine of a child. And the child's not even so ugly it's cute, it's just damn ugly with snot around it's hooter and quite possibly pierced ears from 6 weeks old.
As you may be able to tell my maternal instinct is yet to kick in. I'm assured by those smug marrieds that it will one day. One day .. always 'one day'
One day I'll win the Lotto..
One day I'll tell my boss to shove his job up his stinking chuffer
One day I'll meet 'Mr Right'
One day I'll have my farm with cows, goats, piggies galore!

Anyway, back to the over-sized, should-be-classified-as-vans - drivers. I live in a little village in Kent, a true joy. However the drive to and fro my humble abode is often perilous, regularly stressful and guaranteed to be full of expletives from my part.
These wenches come steaming down the country lanes in the middle of the almost single-tracked roads then flick me the birdy when I've slowed right down, nearly taking out a conifer or thousand year old oak tree just to avoid their tank-assed selves. Idiots. The next time I lose a wing mirror (I'm on my 3rd in 6 months), I shall be sure to get their damn number plates and send the little mo' fo's a bill. GAWD, they're sooooooo annnnoooooyyyiiiingggg!

*aaaand breathe*

Good grief I haven't felt this level of frustration since I lost my first love to some other wench and couldn't win him back! Luckily I got over that one, last I saw he got married and had a baby, poor kid.... She's got his ears... His big plug ears that are only good to hold onto. Ha ha.
Aaaah, if that's not another reason for Karma to come bite me, I don't know what is.
At the moment I am feeling largely like Karma is all over me shouting "and this is for the time you called that girl a porker, have ten pounds on your ass" followed by a "and here's for the time you slept with someone who had a girlfriend, you can have a string of absolute freaks who claim they'll never hurt you, or they'll tell you they love you after a week and wonder why you don't want to call them, when you've been distancing yourself for 5 days of that week from them, then they keep calling and sending flowers demanding an explanation when you have already detailed several times, clearly and concisely, as to why you don't want to be with them.

Anyhoo.... On that chipper note (!) I am off to par-take in the consumption of some vino with my best buddy. Who has landed himself a new lady friend. Who is German but sounds French, is ginger but claims it's 'ash blonde'. However so far she does seem like a thoroughly nice girl and teaches me stupid but amusing German words. Like 'klobig klopz' (spelt how it sounds as German, funnily enough, is not my mother tongue), which apparently means '(you) clumsy meatball'
Ahh the joys of pissed up conversations....!

Until I write again... Do have a delightful evening.

Vent one. Of many I sense.

Right well here goes. Not really sure how to start this latest quest but I shall endeavour to make it slightly interesting reading. Even if it's not, I hope it calms me down, and eases the overwhelming urge I have at the moment to go into a supermarket and windmill. I would only aim for those who have a constant scowl on their faces/generally look like heathens and scrotes, those of whom are normally found lurking in the meat aisles, ready to load their ridiculously baggy 'pants' (trousers, to you and I) with animal joints. Oh, these fine upstanding citizens can also usually be found in the coffee aisle and the cleaning products aisle. Upon everyone being too scared to challenge them, you will then find them selling these products on their market stool/boot fair.





I feel I should possibly wait for another blog entry before revealing too much as to why the general populace incense me so. My true colours and all that...




So I'll start of nice and simple.





GRAMMAR





There/Their/They're





Your/You're





This is not a difficult concept to grasp - ' the ball has gone over there'


' it's their ball '


' they're questioning the ownership of this ball '





Nor, would I say is the following a difficult concept to grasp -


' Your ball is over there'


' You're getting better at catching the ball'





In the words of Ross from TV programme 'Friends' - " Y-O-U APOSTROPHE - R - E MEANS YOU ARE


Y-O-U-R MEANS YOUR!! "


It's day one basics really........





I appreciate sometimes maybe when one is in a hurry that you may not care, but I DO and as much of a 'snob' or whatever half-wittish remark you'd like to call me, I CANNOT HELP BUT JUDGE YOU IF YOU USE POOR GRAMMAR.





The odd typo is generally to be expected on this blog as I am generally typing as fast as my sausage digits will allow, and not necessarily spell things incorrectly, but miss a letter off which still creates a word etc.... You see what I mean.



'Poor grammar is not a reason to want to windmill in to a supermarket', I hear you say

You're right. However it is just one example of how our society is 'dumbing down' due to this text culture, lack of reading, lack of discipline and so on.

One of many reasons as to why I have to get this out of my system.





TEXT SLANG



Examples

• LOL - laugh out loud / lots of love


• ROFL - Roll on the floor laughing


• LMFAO - Laughing my fucking ass of (please note the swearing, I have noticed, is optional - phew)


• KMT - Kiss my teeth (seriously, just typing these out is irritating me)


• WB/TB - Write back/Text back/Tap back (as in, tap on the keyboard apparently - do try to keep up...)


• TBH - To be honest


• IMHO - In my honest opinion


• Soz - sorry


• ATM - At the moment (also used as 'arse to mouth' - horrendous. In case you are naive like I happily was until learning that, it means... oh dear Lord I cannot type it - Urban dictionary it!! http://www.urbandictionary.com/)

That's all I can bear to acknowledge at the moment.

I refer to urbandictionary.com as sometimes it has some highly amusing euphemisms and descriptive words (often offensive and vulgar), and it does 'enlighten' me and open my eyes to just how shallow society has become, whilst sometimes producing a chuckle from my inner immature self.

Sometimes though, do not get me wrong, I do like to partake in some vulgar talk, it helps pass the time when there's no one to people watch or I have a sore head from repeatedly banging on my desk in frustration....

I will continue this later ....