Christ on a bike.........

Today has been nothing less then hard work. Am struggling with my general existance in this poor excuse for a town. The general public are just so obnoxious.
E.G
My neighbour looks like she has been smacked with a stinking haddock then had lemon squeezed in her eyes with the way her face naturally falls. She makes me sick and we have had words on more than one occasion..

Today as I was pulling into the shared driveway, my post had accidentally got put into her letterbox. Well, how very dare the stupid postman DO such a thing.....?!
Any normal person would just place the post in the correct letterbox, or re-post it. But no, she decides to deface the front of the envelopes by writing 'does not live here' and circling either my name, the address or has previously returned to sender when she know's full well where I live.

Petty, small minded, ignorant, extremely unfortunate looking obnoxious imbocile. You'd have thought that I would be used to such behaviour, and normally I can just sigh and look at the fool with a 'aaah don't worry, it's not your fault you're plug ugly' look, then do the most patronising smile I can muster before mincing away.

I am certainly by no means a stunner, however I feel that I have her lost youth, my youth and general personality on my side, so it gives me pleasure to be smug.
Yes, I am aware I am asking for Karma to come back and bite my not-so firm ass. Hmmm.

Neighbour dispute = ridiculously petty but occur in nearly every road and are usually only resolved by someone moving... And I am sensing, due to the current financial climate, neither of us are going anywhere anytime soon. Hey, we've lasted ten years so far - first arguement about 8 years ago.....

Today's next gripe; women in over-sized cars/vans, usually Mercedes or those Porsche truck-things..

They are just the most ridiculous vehicles on the roads today - driven by mothers whilst their hard-working city bloke slaves away in the Big Smoke. Usually occupied by one woman and her ugly, snotty shit machine of a child. And the child's not even so ugly it's cute, it's just damn ugly with snot around it's hooter and quite possibly pierced ears from 6 weeks old.
As you may be able to tell my maternal instinct is yet to kick in. I'm assured by those smug marrieds that it will one day. One day .. always 'one day'
One day I'll win the Lotto..
One day I'll tell my boss to shove his job up his stinking chuffer
One day I'll meet 'Mr Right'
One day I'll have my farm with cows, goats, piggies galore!

Anyway, back to the over-sized, should-be-classified-as-vans - drivers. I live in a little village in Kent, a true joy. However the drive to and fro my humble abode is often perilous, regularly stressful and guaranteed to be full of expletives from my part.
These wenches come steaming down the country lanes in the middle of the almost single-tracked roads then flick me the birdy when I've slowed right down, nearly taking out a conifer or thousand year old oak tree just to avoid their tank-assed selves. Idiots. The next time I lose a wing mirror (I'm on my 3rd in 6 months), I shall be sure to get their damn number plates and send the little mo' fo's a bill. GAWD, they're sooooooo annnnoooooyyyiiiingggg!

*aaaand breathe*

Good grief I haven't felt this level of frustration since I lost my first love to some other wench and couldn't win him back! Luckily I got over that one, last I saw he got married and had a baby, poor kid.... She's got his ears... His big plug ears that are only good to hold onto. Ha ha.
Aaaah, if that's not another reason for Karma to come bite me, I don't know what is.
At the moment I am feeling largely like Karma is all over me shouting "and this is for the time you called that girl a porker, have ten pounds on your ass" followed by a "and here's for the time you slept with someone who had a girlfriend, you can have a string of absolute freaks who claim they'll never hurt you, or they'll tell you they love you after a week and wonder why you don't want to call them, when you've been distancing yourself for 5 days of that week from them, then they keep calling and sending flowers demanding an explanation when you have already detailed several times, clearly and concisely, as to why you don't want to be with them.

Anyhoo.... On that chipper note (!) I am off to par-take in the consumption of some vino with my best buddy. Who has landed himself a new lady friend. Who is German but sounds French, is ginger but claims it's 'ash blonde'. However so far she does seem like a thoroughly nice girl and teaches me stupid but amusing German words. Like 'klobig klopz' (spelt how it sounds as German, funnily enough, is not my mother tongue), which apparently means '(you) clumsy meatball'
Ahh the joys of pissed up conversations....!

Until I write again... Do have a delightful evening.